Four years ago, I made the first move by messaging you. I covered up the actual reason I messaged, by asking for help. But I actually messaged you to know... if you felt it too... if you saw it too...the sparks. Four years ago, my heart skipped a thousand beats when I first saw you. But four years ago, I was too young and immature to accept it. Honestly, I did not even know what love was. But I felt it... and I’m sure you did too. But there was one thing that stopped me... you...us... Fear.
You found happiness else where... while I desperately searched for happiness. The happiness that you gave me. The only difference is, you were able to move on, while I wasn’t. I had faith in the escalated heartbeats and the sparks that surrounded us when we were together. Slowly, slowly, I began to accept the fact that, we were not meant for each other. I began to move on.
I was about to make my first step...
onto a road of happiness...
when you messaged...
The person you had thought was your happiness... was no longer yours.
You were heartbroken.
And so was I... for you.
What was supposed to be my first step forward in a long time, ended up being two steps backwards. I wanted to be there for you. By then I knew, I was in love. An emotion, a feeling I have been avoiding. For love brings nothing but pain. And maybe I was ready, ready to tell you. But my only fear was my uncertainty of whether it was the right time... I did not want to be a rebound.
I was not quick enough.
I tried to comfort you... I tried to be there for you... But once again, you found happiness elsewhere... This time I was heartbroken. And you weren’t there for me. I had fallen for you twice... and promised myself I wouldn’t again. I went on a desperate search for happiness again... where I tripped and fell many times.
At my greatest fall, I could not help but to ask for your hand. It was so easy for you to grab on, pick me up halfway... and leave me hanging. Eventually, I stood back up... this time I was adamant to move on. Four years had passed, and there was no reason to wait. You were happy, and I deserved to be happy as well.
Once again, after a long time I was about to make my first step, towards happiness...
And once again,
You came back.
Finally replied to the messages that I did not expect a reply from. The messages I sent, to reassure myself that it was okay to move on.
But you replied...
And this time things were different. You had your acclaimed happiness, yet you were still searching... And your search brought you to me.
And this time, a new match was lit.
And there was a flame, rather than just sparks.
And our hearts were racing rather than just merely skipping.
This time... we both were in love.
I was moving on... and I was adamant upon my decision. Once again, I fell weak. I felt that I could provide you with the happiness you deserve. Completely forgetting, I do not have that right. But this time I am willing to wait.
One last time.
We have spent too many nights, weaving dreams together... for them to just die out... is impossible. Yes, I am hurting. And I will remain hurting, till I know you ARE happy. Whether, it is with her or me. I am willing to wait... One last time... before I move on, and stumble upon my path again.
This time if I do move on... there will be no looking back. One more time I look back, I will fall...so deep...that I may not even be able to find my way back up.
