Why is it that when I placed my head down in sujood, I felt the farthest from my Lord?

They say when one is in the state of prayer, they are the closest to God. Why is it that when I placed my head down in sujood, I felt the farthest from my Lord? I literally felt myself take a step towards a path I had long left behind me. My mind began to contemplate actions that I had once committed and managed to forget. Today, when I thought I was completely healed, my mind revisited the life that I wished I had never lived. The same person that was responsible five years ago, is the same person that is responsible today. 

It scares me... because five years ago, everything began with a mere thought. Just like today. I do not want relive the time my heart was at its weakest. I do not want to deteriorate the mindset that took me so long to build. I do not want my soul to return to its lord with so many scars and bruises. Especially when the wounds of the past, have just healed.